Love, Wanted Not Valued



I was newly married and on the phone with someone I had never met in my life.  Near the end of our conversation I heard these words, "I love you."  To this day I still do not believe it.  This person did not know me and I did not know them.  Sure, we knew about each other, but really did not know one another.
We all want love.  We all want to be in a place where there is safety to open our lives up with someone who will accept us, warts and all, for who we are.  We want people to care enough for us to challenge us to excel.  Yes, we all want love.
But do we value love enough to give it to others, constantly, faithfully and fully.  I think this is where some of the breakdown in our culture lies.  What we want does not translate into what we value.  We do not value love.  We want it all for ourselves, and we expect others to provide it, yet we do not reciprocate let alone take the initiative to show love to others.  One note for clarity, loving others does not mean "I agree with your lifestyle, choices or direction in life."  Loving others simply means, "I desire the best there is for you" and that can take many different paths.  So here are four steps to start down the path of showing others that we love and value them.

Four steps to loving others:

1. Take time to list out those people you love.

We spend a lot of time and energy making sure that no one is left out for presents at holidays.  But does that mean we really love that person?  Start writing down the people in your life that you would miss if you never saw them again.  Next to their name, write down the reason why you would miss them.  This is what you value about that person.  You can even send a handwritten note to them sharing your thoughts.  I assure you, they will appreciate the card and you.


2. Look at the list and ask yourself have you shown love to them recently. 

 It is one thing to make the list.  It is another to be brutally honest with yourself about how and when you have shown love to the person you have written down.  Life is busy, I get it.  However, we all make time for what we want or what we feel is important.  For many of us, our screens get more of our time and effort than those whom we claim to love.  Be honest and write down when was the last time you showed love and how did you do that.  If you can't remember, then it is way past time.


3. Find out what their love language is.

Gary Chapman has a whole series on the "5 Love Languages."  Knowing how you receive love is vitally important.  We tend to show love the same way we receive it.  For example, I have a friend whose primary love language is physical touch.  He likes giving high fives, slaps on the back and hugs whenever we get together.  At first this weirded me out.  I was like, "Dude, don't touch me."  You see, my primary love language is called acts of service.  So I like to do things to show love, whereas he feels loved if you give him a high five.  Knowing your own love language and those on your list will go a long way to "speaking" love to each other.


4. Work at showing love, not just saying "I love you."

This all takes work.  It is simple to say "I love you" and then walk away or hang up the phone and get on with your life.  That will not do.  To truly value this thing called love, you must work at it.  The most important things in life take effort.  So start today to make an effort to truly love those you say you do.

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