Preached At, Not Taught To
How many times have you wished that your kids had a full relationship with God? Working in youth ministry for close to two decades I cannot count the times where teens or collegians are told to develop spiritual disciplines in their lives. They are told that these habits will deepen their walk with the Lord and help them to rely on Him while building their faith. Yet that is where it stops. It is as if we tell each generation, you get a good relationship with God. When the push back of "Why?" comes the response is often no more than a spiritual "Because I said so." We cannot expect teens/college kids to do the spiritual disciplines we have preached, but not taught.
How many times have you used that with your children. I remember growing up I thought to myself, "That's dumb. I will never say that to my kids." I do not remember the first time I used it on my little ones (at the time) but I know that I have tried used it sparingly. (My kids may not agree with me on that.) As a parent, I am not required to explain my reasoning to my children all the time, and frankly, I often do not have the time to do so. However, this approach, although it may work for cleaning their room, does not work for cleaning their lives. It does not work for producing and maintaining spiritual habits.
These things need to be taught. They need to be practiced. They need to be seen. Jesus' disciples asked Him to teach them to pray. Why? Because they had seen John the Baptist teach his disciples. They had seen Jesus spending great amounts of time in prayer. They saw the importance. They saw it in practice. Now they needed to be taught. It is amazing how much we try to teach our children about the ways of life and then we fail miserably to teach them the things that are of most importance, the things that pertain to their spiritual lives. These are the things that will last through eternity, and they take time to learn.
By taking advantage of the tools that are available to us we enter into the realm of relevance where our kids live. Now, the Bible is always relevant because it has been revealed by God. The practice of biblical truth and spiritual disciplines must be seen as relevant before they will ever be applied. Self discipline must be taught, it does not happen automatically. If the reason for developing godly habits invades the teen's life, they will jump all over it. Believe in them and give them credit, they are smarter than we sometimes think. Teens want and need something to believe in that is applicable to dealing with the mean girl at school, the loss on the football field, the moment they get "friend zoned" and other day by day things that happen in their life. It is up to you, their parent, to remember what it was like when you were there, how hard teenage life is and then use those moments to show them the truth of a loving Father.
Your relationship with God should be very personal, but it is not private. Yes, there will be, and there should be, times that are just you and God. However, Scripture tells us that to disciple, to train, to encourage, to build up takes two. The Bible uses the phrases, "one another" and "imitate me." If either one of those is to happen, there must be more than one. You can easily spend time with God in an area that is semi-private and your kids can still see you. You can set up a "quiet time" in your home where every one can have their personal devotions simultaneously. You need to spend time in your "prayer closet" alone with God, but God does not ever state that you are to have a reading closet or to closet yourself away from everyone every single time you are with Him. God actually told the Jews the exact opposite, He told them to saturate their lives with Him in the home so the children can see what God is like (Deuteronomy 6:4-9). He also tells us as fathers in Ephesians 6 to nurture our children in godliness.
For this to happen, we must pray. I don't mean just before meals or in church. I mean we must do the hard work of prayer. We must beseech the Father for the welfare of our children. We must spend the time necessary before the throne of God before we ever come before our families. God's work must always be done God's way. You want your children to love the Lord? Then you must spend the time to develop your relationship with Him so you are powered up to share Him in your words and actions.
1. "Because I said so" does not work
How many times have you used that with your children. I remember growing up I thought to myself, "That's dumb. I will never say that to my kids." I do not remember the first time I used it on my little ones (at the time) but I know that I have tried used it sparingly. (My kids may not agree with me on that.) As a parent, I am not required to explain my reasoning to my children all the time, and frankly, I often do not have the time to do so. However, this approach, although it may work for cleaning their room, does not work for cleaning their lives. It does not work for producing and maintaining spiritual habits.These things need to be taught. They need to be practiced. They need to be seen. Jesus' disciples asked Him to teach them to pray. Why? Because they had seen John the Baptist teach his disciples. They had seen Jesus spending great amounts of time in prayer. They saw the importance. They saw it in practice. Now they needed to be taught. It is amazing how much we try to teach our children about the ways of life and then we fail miserably to teach them the things that are of most importance, the things that pertain to their spiritual lives. These are the things that will last through eternity, and they take time to learn.
2. We must realize the relation of reality to relevance
To teach our children spiritual disciplines, we must start where we are and learn some new things ourselves. Technology is the arena where we live today. Use it to teach your children spiritual disciplines. Show them both the old tech, you know, a real Bible and a journal with a real pen or pencil, while utilizing new technology. There are Bible apps to help them keep on track for their devotions. There are prayer apps to remind them what and when to pray. Electronic journals are handy for the moments of life as they happen. They can even use their camera phones to create memories of what God is doing right then and there. Utilize social media as a tool for accountability. I heard a preacher say, "You can curse the darkness or live in the light, not both."By taking advantage of the tools that are available to us we enter into the realm of relevance where our kids live. Now, the Bible is always relevant because it has been revealed by God. The practice of biblical truth and spiritual disciplines must be seen as relevant before they will ever be applied. Self discipline must be taught, it does not happen automatically. If the reason for developing godly habits invades the teen's life, they will jump all over it. Believe in them and give them credit, they are smarter than we sometimes think. Teens want and need something to believe in that is applicable to dealing with the mean girl at school, the loss on the football field, the moment they get "friend zoned" and other day by day things that happen in their life. It is up to you, their parent, to remember what it was like when you were there, how hard teenage life is and then use those moments to show them the truth of a loving Father.
3. Our sons and daughters need an example they can see
We are to be godly examples to our children. May I suggest that includes praying and doing your quiet time where your kids can see you and God together. Now I know some of the arguments against this, I have heard them in the past. I need to be alone with God; Jesus said you don't pray so others can see you instead go to your prayer closet; This is my private time; the list goes on and on.Your relationship with God should be very personal, but it is not private. Yes, there will be, and there should be, times that are just you and God. However, Scripture tells us that to disciple, to train, to encourage, to build up takes two. The Bible uses the phrases, "one another" and "imitate me." If either one of those is to happen, there must be more than one. You can easily spend time with God in an area that is semi-private and your kids can still see you. You can set up a "quiet time" in your home where every one can have their personal devotions simultaneously. You need to spend time in your "prayer closet" alone with God, but God does not ever state that you are to have a reading closet or to closet yourself away from everyone every single time you are with Him. God actually told the Jews the exact opposite, He told them to saturate their lives with Him in the home so the children can see what God is like (Deuteronomy 6:4-9). He also tells us as fathers in Ephesians 6 to nurture our children in godliness.
4. You must be prayed up to be powered up
If we want each generation to know the joy of living and loving the Lord it is on us to make it known to them. If we try to persuade, convince, or convict them of God's truth, we will fail. Supernatural truth can only be learned through supernatural means. The Holy Spirit is the teacher of the word. The Holy Spirit is the one who convinces and convicts us of God's truth. We must fully rely on the Holy Spirit to do His work in and through us while also doing what only He can do in and through those we love.For this to happen, we must pray. I don't mean just before meals or in church. I mean we must do the hard work of prayer. We must beseech the Father for the welfare of our children. We must spend the time necessary before the throne of God before we ever come before our families. God's work must always be done God's way. You want your children to love the Lord? Then you must spend the time to develop your relationship with Him so you are powered up to share Him in your words and actions.
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